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by Bob Mills (Jokesmith@msn.com) |
August 4th, 2004 Issue |
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| [editor's note: The following is an excerpt from Chapter 9 of Bob Mill's Book, "Inside Bob Hope's Comedy Factory"] CHAPTER 9 "What's a Caesar's Palace?" Following years of cajoling the State Department, leaning on a raft of influential government pals including Henry Kissinger, and calling in markers he'd been collecting for years, Hope finally received permission to produce and host a special from the Peoples Republic of China. So on June 16, 1979 after a four-hour flight from Narita, Japan, a Chinese Airlines 707 filled with our merry band of mirth-makers eager to get their first look at this hotbed of Communism that Nixon only five years before had welcomed into the community of world nations, touched down at the Peking (now Beijing) airport. The group included Bob and Dolores Hope, co-producer Jim Lipton (with whom Gig and I would share writing credit), director Bob Wynn and a support crew made up of pretty much the same gang who had earned their Hope Squadron wings on our trek to Australia the previous year. Our guest stars would arrive over the next several days: Mikhail Baryshnikov, Crystal Gayle, Big Bird from Sesame Street, mimes Shields and Yarnell and a hot selling disco duo at the time, Peaches and Herb. Booking the show had been a headache since we'd be spending a full month on location -- three weeks in Peking and a week in Shanghai. Understandably, most major performers hesitate to commit that much time to a project unless, of course, it's a movie and Hope wasn't paying movie caliber fees. Since Hope was the most recognizable American to set foot in China since Nixon, upon our arrival we were whisked through Customs with few of the usual formalities -- an accommodation I'd come to regret, but more on that later. "Hail me a rickshaw." The entire Hope company -- staff, crew and talent, about forty-five of us in all -- were billeted in the Peking Hotel, an imposing 25-story structure that resembled a Hilton shipped in from Moscow. (Russian engineers had lent a hand in its design and construction and it showed. Our rooms were basic, comfortable -- a color TV was included, but for some strange reason, received only Chinese programs -- and they were never locked. On each floor near the elevator a 24-hour concierge stood guard with the vigilance of a rock concert rent-a-cop. Strangely, we felt no hesitation in leaving our most valuable belongings in a hotel room with the door open. Maybe the penalty for theft in China -- death -- had something to do with this. Every morning, there would be a large tea-filled Thermos beside each door, which was the closest we ever got to room service. All of our meals were served in a cavernous, marble-walled dining hall about the size of UCLA's Pauley Pavilion -- and every bit as intimate. Mealtimes were posted and if you missed them, you were out of luck. McDonald's and other fast food meccas had yet to infect the Peoples Republic. However, going hungry was never a problem since the Chinese traditionally demonstrate their hospitality through copious gifts of calories. Important visitors rate eight to twelve course banquets -- every day. Since Hope ranked right up there on the A-List, we ended up attending more banquets than a major league manager in the off- season. One night, we were all seated at a large banquet hosted by the Ministry of Agriculture. As he did at all the formal dinners, Hope was attempting to operate chopsticks, considering it a nice gesture toward our hosts. ("My instructor says I'm doing so well, next week he's letting me use two.") Suddenly, he lost control of a large fried shrimp and it sailed over his shoulder barely missing an ancient artifact (probably a Ming vase) resting on a table nearby. He looked around to see if anyone had caught this faux pas; no one had except Don Marando who leaned over to Bob and whispered, "Why don't you take a Mulligan?" Ah, those banquets were fun. During our three-week stay in Peking, we would tape segments for the show at locations from one end of town to the other, hoping to capture just a hint of China's mystery and fascination for the Westerner. But our Hollywood-style chutzpah could kick in at any time. We actually taped Peaches and Herb doing a disco number on the steps of the tiled, gold-encrusted Temple of Heaven that had provided Chinese peasants a place of worship since 1420. You could almost hear the emperors spinning in their sarcophagi. Bob Mills can be reached at jokesmith@msn.com. His lecture series includes the following: Bob Mill's Lecture Titles: "How To Succeed In Show Business By Really Trying" After ten uninspired years in the courtroom, a class clown stumbles into the business of comedy by submitting jokes to San Francisco disc jockey, Don Sherwood. Stints with Steve Allen, Dinah Shore and Dean Martin (where Bob learned his craft at the feet of legendary head writer, Harry Crane) pave the way to a long and successful association with Bob Hope. What it was like to meet someone, admired on the screen for so long, in real life. "Laying 1000 Year Old Eggs In The Peoples Republic" The Hope troupe visits China for the month of July, 1979. On the first American TV visit since Nixon had opened The Peoples Republic in 1974, Mickhail Baryshnikov gives a class at the Peking Ballet School, we clear The Great Wall for a musical number, Bob sings Gilbert & Sullivan on the Marble Boat, and Big Bird charms the Chinese kids who are more used to Peking ducks. Some foreign intrigue, too, as Cold War distrust bubbles to the surface. "Put Another Shrimp On The Barbie, Mate!" In 1978, Bob Hope opens the newly completed 7800 seat Perth Entertainment Centre with a two-hour special after making stops in Auckland, New Zealand, Melbourne, Adelaide, and Sydney, Australia. Swan Lager flows like water as the Hope crew along with guest stars Barbara Eden and Florence Henderson are given a typical Down Under welcome. Bob's longtime cue card man, Barney McNulty almost drowns in the Swan River. "Suck In That Gut!" When Bob brings his annual birthday celebration to all three US military academies in 1981, 1982 and 1983, the stars vying for coveted slots as guests include George C. Scott, Mickey Rooney, James Coburn, Diana Ross and Mary Martin. Government dignitaries include Henry Kissinger, George Bush I, Gerry Ford and Ronnie Reagan who makes an unexpected visit to Pope Air Force Base. "We Got Trouble -- Right Here In TV City!" When the best laid plans of mice, men and comedy writers go awry, Hope's gang must tustle with the elements, accidents and other assorted castastrophies -- from the sudden death of a Swedish PM, to an unexpected thunderstorm on the island of Papeete. Here are behind the scenes glimpses of what goes on behind the scenes. "The End Of An Era" Recollections and memorable moments with some of the entertainment
giants, capped by a 30 minute video of highlights featuring George Burns,
Jackie Gleason, Sammy Davis, Jr., George Gobel, Lucille Ball, Danny
Kaye, Milton Berle, Richard Burton, George C. Scott, Lee Marvin, Howard
Cosell, Don Rickles, Don Knotts, Glen Campbell, Steve Lawrence &
Edie All displayed trademarks, logos and service marks are the property of their respective owners. © 2003 Viodi, LLC. All Rights Reserved |
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IP Video Conference Agenda Economic and Product Feature Considerations for Telecom Network Architectures The Consumer Electronics Interface – Can You See Me Now? Regulation 101 – What a Telco Has to Consider When Deploying Video & Other New Services Get in the Game – How do Games Play in a Service Providers’ Plans? Advertising and other Alternative Revenue Sources Integrating VoIP Content Into a Telco’s Bundled Service Offering Making Sticky Bundles – Baking up new ways to gain and retain customers |
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